Still I rise by Maya Angelou

can't believe I had forgotten about this poem, when it is one of the most brilliant and inspirational things I have 

read. espacially after the rough painful days I have been through. this is "Still I Rise", by Maya Angelou, an african-american poet who wrote to inspire both her race and women. 

Still I Rise


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Lo divertido del amor y el respeto

Me gusta considerarme una persona observadora y detallista, pues así actuo. Miro a las personas y sus gestos, escucho sus historias, y luego uno los puntos para sacar, más que conclusiones, patrones genéricos de comportamiento. Ultimamente he notado algo muy interesante,  y es como nosotros los seres humanos hablamos de como no hay vida sin amor, cuando lo que más buscamos no es el amor, sino el respeto. Nos preocupa más un acto de sumisión de parte de otros que una genuina muestra de cariño. Y al final, cuando ya no quedan ni las cenizas de aquellos fogosos romances donde se jura el supuesto amor eterno, lo que nos duele no es el final, es que nos falten el respeto. Nos duele como nos faltaron el respeto con mentiras anteriores y con descaros presentes, y nos sentimos culpables por nuestros engaños y descaros. Pero más interesante que esto fue la diferencia que noté en mí al entender esto. Como he dicho antes, es la ira y no el interés el principal motor de mis acciones, así como antes lo eran la indiferencia y la comodidad. Ciertamente mi esquema de valores ha cambiado, pero lo más peligroso es que disfruto cada pequeño paso en lo que muchos denominan mi autodestrucción, aunque yo lo denomino autodescubrimiento. Conocer y contactar tantas facetas de mi persona era lo que me hacía falta para finalmente como mujer.

A moment of fiction.

It’s been over a year since I last saw you but I still miss you as if it was the first day. I can feel your arms around me under the Spanish skyline, the one only the two of us met sitting on the peer. Those old conversations we had are all I can hold on to these days. Your voice keeps me calm even on my hardest breakdowns, and with my last cigarette all that was in my mind was you. Your hugs. Your kisses as I imagined them even though they never came true. It’s sad that a thing so real like ours had to be sacrificed for commitments that in my life, ended up to be meaningless. Forgive me for putting someone else’s feelings over yours. But still, in spite of all, we both know what we had was real. I will be forever grateful to you for waking me up from my own reality and teaching me how to live life to the fullest. Before you I thought that being right and appropriate would lead me to success, but you proved me otherwise. You were right about everything, me holding on to things and people that are worth nothing. It only took you seconds of me telling you about them to realize what has taken me months to learn. I made the wrong choice once, but I won’t do it again. Hopefully we will have another chance soon, this time with no one else involved in between. In the meantime, I will hold on to the memory of your arms around me, to your voice whispering in my ear what we both felt as the summer breeze refreshed us, with a bottle of wine, and to what our kisses would have been, had we had that moment of fiction.

Keep your quest alive

They say it’s the thrill of the chase. It could be. Could be the music traveling through my veins. Or the numbness my heart feels when I’m out. Whatever it is, it feels good, it feels right. I don’t know what I am looking for, but I guess this is what life is about, searching for the unknown. What I keep on finding is mind blowing though, good times, adrenaline, that lack of self control. To many I may not be myself lately, but I feel safer and more comfortable than I have ever felt before. Maybe I am starting to realize the meaning of life. Things are not supposed to be stable, or normal, or accepted. They just have to feel good, you just got to love doing them, whether the consequences are good or not. If it works your way great, if it doesn’t, you gave it all and learned something new. It’s about the stories you get to tell in the future, it’s about making them real. Seize the moment, take action and make a life for yourself. Eventually you will find the right path. At the end of it, what we search for in this quest we may not know, but just make sure to follow your instincts. They are the only thing pure in all that’s been given. Never settle, don’t get lazy, and keep on moving. Keep your quest alive. 

I miss you. It's a truth I can't deny, but I have brought myself to think it's for the best.I remember old moments and somehow I imagine other moments in places, stuations and emotions that I know will no longer be. However, despite the fact that my heart misses you, and that I still want those things, somewhere along the line I have managed to let go. It could be the fact that someone else has stepped up and prooved me that there are people like me out there, that it is possible for me to be with someone who sees life the same way I do. It could be that I have been with someone that has astonished me with his knowledge, despite all of my expectations. Maybe it is the lifestyle I am reliving, full of adrenaline and lacking feelings or thoughts. All I know is that even though I miss you, it hurts a little less every day, I'm reaching the point where I don't feel anything. And even though my heart at times, nd other moments my body, want you, I have convinced myself, even though I might be wrong, that this was for the best because I'm too good for you.

"Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I have held so dear

Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

Why not?

What Jean Paul Gaultier has embraced as a fashion policy is to me now a philosophy of life. "Why not?" If after all, everything falls out on its own terms anyways. When doing the right things led me to nothing but pain, I realized it was time to make all the wrong turns. Or, most importantly, to accept all my wrong turns, because I know I am not perfect, and I have been improper on more than one occasion. However, now the time has come for me to make peace with my own self, with all of myself, rather than with that who could be, or is, socially and conceptually accepted. I shall not limit myself anymore by the lines of disappointment, for they say the greatest fear lies not in what I am not capable of, but in what I can actually do. Last year I learned this through a trip I made with the summer breeze. At a new place, with a fresh start, I suddenly became all that I never saw myself being. I cheated, I lied, I deceited, but most importantly, after I did all of the things that were considered doom and had a ball doing them. I do not regret a thing. What I do regret, is coming back pretending that none of those things happen to keep others from getting hurt, which is something I have decided to quit nowadays. Some may call it self-destruction, but I call it self-discovery. I'll embrace that darker me I have once discovered, and from now on, it is that the one who will lead me through these unstable, rocky, lonely years that will eventually pass by and just become memories. But life will not pass me by, and my goal is that when all of this is over, I will have the best stories to make, audacious, bold unimaginable experiences, just like the ones I had last year. From going to a nude river and pole dancing lessons, to having the most romantic kiss ever imagined, to the most tempestuous relationship. Eventually, my life will become my ultimate story. Therefore I have decided that whenever I see myself faced with a decision or a conflict, I'll just ask myself "Why not?" and go for it with my best foot forward, for the best or for the worse, it will be great anyways.

Some speech

     Human nature has reduced itself to one thing, waiting. We'd rather sit and watch things happen instead of taking action for ourselves. We think it's better to react than to act, and instead of preventing we try to solve. To many, this seems brilliant. It is just a way to walk through life without considering factors such as determination, discipline, effort, or responsability. To me, this is just mediocrity. And forgive me if I offend anyone, but its the truth. I have to disagree when it comes to the behaviour of many kids that belong to my generation, that I have seen, met, or included in my life deceived by good intentions. I have little hope for the future when others don't take anything seriously. And by anything I do not only mean school, a job, or a sport. By anything I mean those things we take for granted, such as love, friendship and company, comfort and safety, even money for all I know. When respect more than an action is just a word used for tweets and personal messages and doing what you preach somehow is against nature. I feel as a freak because unlike many of my peers, I'd rather sacrifice my comfort in order to reach my maximum potential. Most don't get it, and those who do don't appreciate it, but it's alright. Rather than feeling as an outsider, I have learned to feel sorry for those who belong to the same generation as I do, for they are blinded fools carried away by temporary meaningless things, and for all I see and what I have come to know, this doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon.

Random Thought

“I shall regret none of what I’ve been trhough these years, for not only I have learned, but I have also come to meet new sides of me. But most importantly, I have met people for whom I now care and love, and even more significant, people who appreciate who I am today.”

Renuevo

Ayer era una pero hoy no soy la misma. Siempre dejamos una parte nuestra en el momento anterior, y dejamos entrar algo nuevo en el presente. Ley de vida. Después de todas las cosas vistas, dichas y sentidas, hoy ya no somos los mismos. A pesar de insistir e insistir que es así, no lo es. Unos cambiamos más rápido y drásticamente que otros,y sobretodo, somos solo algunos pocos lo suficientemente valientes para admitirlo. He cambiado, y sé que eso me traerá nuevos éxitos, y nuevos errores. Que así sea. Bienvenido es todo lo que venga a partir de aquí. Confío en que tengo el valor para admitir quien seré y dejarme llevar. Ya no me baso en las tradicionales reglas que siempre me han llevado a lo seguro, mi nuevo camino se basa en sensaciones. Sentirme bien en el momento adecuado lo es todo. Mis nuevos ojos serán mis instintos. Todo se basa en momentos, y me aseguraré de sacar el mayor provecho de cada uno de ellos. Y aún dejándome llevar, mantendré siempre mi cabeza en alto y con valor diré no a lo que no quiero, a lo que no sienta, y dejaré saber a los demás todo el tiempo lo que siento, sin disculpas ni arrepentimientos, porque no hay nada peor que no tener la valentía de ser honesto, y sobre todo, uno mismo.